I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
