we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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