Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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