she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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