Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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