why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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