i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
