my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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