You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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