Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
