Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
