he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize