I hate all girls vehemently.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
