Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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