So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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