i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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