hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
