Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
