Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
