i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
