I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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