I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
