I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
