Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
