remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my shit smells like andre
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
