If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
