youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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