Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
