I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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