haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
