highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
