Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
