You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
