A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
