I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
