she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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