Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
