you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
