your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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