So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
