Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize