awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
