if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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