My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
