Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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