For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
