Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he just fucked me for my cheese.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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