u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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