proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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