i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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