R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
