i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My balls are so social today.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to calm my uterus...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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