I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
