I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize