I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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