I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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