Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
