i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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