He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
