that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
