I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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