i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
