Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
