Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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